Season 2: Episode 2 | anythingbutordinaryy's Blog

Dear universe, when I thought "I wish someone I knew would turn up to my work to make my day more interesting", I didn't mean make Theo and Natalie show up. Fucking hell. That totally caught me off guard and I almost started hyperventilating and almost ran away. Well, I went to a different section. Wasn't technically running though. 

To make myself try get over it, I told myself "no, you are awesome and can get over it" and hence was the best salesperson today. The store manager congratulated me. 

Does that mean I legitimately convinced myself everything was fine? No. Not at all. I just repressed it to the extent that I was incapable of social interaction after I left work. 

I finished work at 8pm. James texted me at 8:04 asking if I'd finished work, how my day was etc etc. However, as I just mentioned, my ability to basically even be civil totally shut down as I was so incredibly drained from work. I was very cold to him. He said he missed me and wanted to see me, I said "we'll see each other eventually, I guess". Then something about him going to meet up with his girlfriend if he wants to meet up with someone. 

I asked him to call me, and he did. And I was kind of awful to him. Hung up on him twice, but he called me back. Told him I can't keep doing this. I'm just so tired of separating my emotions from my actions and from other people. I can't keep acting like a couple with him and having no emotions for him at all. He said that's fine, he can back away if I want him to, he'll not be physically close to me if that's what I want. He just wants to get to know me cause he thinks I'm amazing. Obviously I'm very suspicious of this. 

I then texted John and asked him to call me, because I was so upset. Made me feel better for a bit, then he started talking about things that made me "crazy". Not saying he's wrong, he's definitely right in how he perceives me as conflicting. But he doesn't understand the reasons why. And is the kind of guy that won't shut up when he thinks he's right. I ended up yelling at him and hanging up. Something along the lines of "YOU'RE NOT LISTENING AND WON'T LET ME SPEAK". 

Then James texted me saying that he's free tomorrow if I want to hang out. I told him now is not the best time for me to be making decisions, and that I'll let him know tomorrow. I still don't know whether or not it's a good idea. I'm kind of very emotionally unstable at the moment. 

This is such a weird soap opera. It's like I'm almost the only female in it. Not terribly dramatic yet either. For my sake, I hope it stays that way.

*(Going off what could be considered scripts for some kind of soap opera, I'm naming this season 2 in terms of what I've recorded on this blog.)*