Season 2: Episode 2 | anythingbutordinaryy's Blog
Dear universe, when I thought "I wish someone I knew would turn up to my work to make my day more interesting", I didn't mean make Theo and Natalie show up. Fucking hell. That totally caught me off guard and I almost started hyperventilating and almost ran away. Well, I went to a different section. Wasn't technically running though.
To make myself try get over it, I told myself "no, you are awesome and can get over it" and hence was the best salesperson today. The store manager congratulated me.
Does that mean I legitimately convinced myself everything was fine? No. Not at all. I just repressed it to the extent that I was incapable of social interaction after I left work.
I finished work at 8pm. James texted me at 8:04 asking if I'd finished work, how my day was etc etc. However, as I just mentioned, my ability to basically even be civil totally shut down as I was so incredibly drained from work. I was very cold to him. He said he missed me and wanted to see me, I said "we'll see each other eventually, I guess". Then something about him going to meet up with his girlfriend if he wants to meet up with someone.
I asked him to call me, and he did. And I was kind of awful to him. Hung up on him twice, but he called me back. Told him I can't keep doing this. I'm just so tired of separating my emotions from my actions and from other people. I can't keep acting like a couple with him and having no emotions for him at all. He said that's fine, he can back away if I want him to, he'll not be physically close to me if that's what I want. He just wants to get to know me cause he thinks I'm amazing. Obviously I'm very suspicious of this.
I then texted John and asked him to call me, because I was so upset. Made me feel better for a bit, then he started talking about things that made me "crazy". Not saying he's wrong, he's definitely right in how he perceives me as conflicting. But he doesn't understand the reasons why. And is the kind of guy that won't shut up when he thinks he's right. I ended up yelling at him and hanging up. Something along the lines of "YOU'RE NOT LISTENING AND WON'T LET ME SPEAK".
Then James texted me saying that he's free tomorrow if I want to hang out. I told him now is not the best time for me to be making decisions, and that I'll let him know tomorrow. I still don't know whether or not it's a good idea. I'm kind of very emotionally unstable at the moment.
This is such a weird soap opera. It's like I'm almost the only female in it. Not terribly dramatic yet either. For my sake, I hope it stays that way.
*(Going off what could be considered sc
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Previous Postsfriends only., posted June 20th, 2013
and it's pulling me down., posted June 18th, 2013
slightly hungover., posted June 15th, 2013
sugar high., posted June 13th, 2013
mental illness., posted June 8th, 2013
wracked with guilt., posted June 6th, 2013
all the lights., posted June 3rd, 2013
midnight at the beach (in winter)., posted May 31st, 2013
a punch in the chest., posted May 30th, 2013
Partyy., posted May 26th, 2013
Why I want him., posted May 23rd, 2013
so busy, posted May 16th, 2013
More drama., posted May 13th, 2013
More drama., posted May 13th, 2013
Teaching a sloth how to swim., posted May 12th, 2013
And Another First Date!, posted May 10th, 2013
Slightly overwhelmed., posted May 6th, 2013
It's for the intimacy., posted May 4th, 2013
And Another Break Up., posted May 1st, 2013
Midnight revelations., posted April 30th, 2013
Destroying things already., posted April 27th, 2013
First Date., posted April 25th, 2013
maybe this will work?, posted April 24th, 2013
Society Cruise, posted April 19th, 2013
Oh dear., posted April 11th, 2013
Progress., posted April 9th, 2013
Break Up, posted April 2nd, 2013
something different., posted March 27th, 2013
some unhappy thoughts., posted March 19th, 2013
differences., posted March 16th, 2013
Mail-Order Boyfriend, posted March 11th, 2013
Break Up., posted March 9th, 2013
missing my first week of class!, posted March 5th, 2013
decisions., posted February 25th, 2013
putting up with things., posted February 22nd, 2013
Date #6 - Valentine's Day, posted February 14th, 2013
Date #5 = indecisiveness., posted February 12th, 2013
Date #4, posted February 10th, 2013
Date #3, posted February 5th, 2013
Date #2, posted February 1st, 2013
Conflicted., posted January 29th, 2013
PTSD, posted January 26th, 2013
more drama, posted January 22nd, 2013
spontaneous, posted January 14th, 2013
slightly unstable, posted January 12th, 2013
degree change, posted January 10th, 2013
Decisions, posted January 5th, 2013
New Year's Eve Party 2012/13!, posted December 31st, 2012
Episode 3!, posted December 21st, 2012
Season 2: Episode 2, posted December 19th, 2012
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