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hurt | anythingbutordinaryy's Blog


Theo appears to be officially together with that slut Natalie now. Yet another thing he lied about. I can barely keep track. Seems like in the past month, every single thing he said to me was a lie. Which hurts. 

While my emotions are really repressed, I think deep down I had feelings for him. Then he hurt me a lot. I can rationalise it in my head - there are a lot of reasons why him and I would probably never have been officially 'together'. It's not that I'm not good enough for him, he's not good enough for me.

Doesn't make me feel any better though.

I have a final exam tomorrow. Unfortunately I have barely studied, since I expect to pass the subject. Which is disappointing because I have got a distinction average in that subject (cognitive and social psychology), yet will get a 'pass' on my transcript. Meaning I might not even get into Honours. Honestly, I just don't care.

Applying for special consideration only means that I'll be allowed to sit the exam at a later date, but I won't study for it then either.

I don't rely on other people to make me happier anymore. Being close to others physically means nothing to me since the novelty wore off. Which is a good and bad thing. Good because it looks as though I have more self respect or something, but actually it just has no appeal to me at all. Nothing at all seems to make me actually happy. For some reason the words "just go kill yourself" keep running through my head.

I think I was somewhat more stable when I was working out 5-6 days a week. Such a shame I happen to be fairly seriously injured. I really really need a distraction.  

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Previous Posts
friends only., posted June 20th, 2013
and it's pulling me down., posted June 18th, 2013
slightly hungover., posted June 15th, 2013
sugar high., posted June 13th, 2013
wracked with guilt., posted June 6th, 2013
all the lights., posted June 3rd, 2013
midnight at the beach (in winter)., posted May 31st, 2013
a punch in the chest., posted May 30th, 2013
Partyy., posted May 26th, 2013
Why I want him., posted May 23rd, 2013
so busy, posted May 16th, 2013
More drama., posted May 13th, 2013
More drama., posted May 13th, 2013
Teaching a sloth how to swim., posted May 12th, 2013
And Another First Date!, posted May 10th, 2013
Slightly overwhelmed., posted May 6th, 2013
It's for the intimacy., posted May 4th, 2013
And Another Break Up., posted May 1st, 2013
Midnight revelations., posted April 30th, 2013
Destroying things already., posted April 27th, 2013
First Date., posted April 25th, 2013
maybe this will work?, posted April 24th, 2013
Society Cruise, posted April 19th, 2013
Oh dear., posted April 11th, 2013
Progress., posted April 9th, 2013
Break Up, posted April 2nd, 2013
something different., posted March 27th, 2013
some unhappy thoughts., posted March 19th, 2013
differences., posted March 16th, 2013
Mail-Order Boyfriend, posted March 11th, 2013
Break Up., posted March 9th, 2013
missing my first week of class!, posted March 5th, 2013
decisions., posted February 25th, 2013
putting up with things., posted February 22nd, 2013
Date #6 - Valentine's Day, posted February 14th, 2013
Date #5 = indecisiveness., posted February 12th, 2013
Date #4, posted February 10th, 2013
Date #3, posted February 5th, 2013
Date #2, posted February 1st, 2013
Conflicted., posted January 29th, 2013
PTSD, posted January 26th, 2013
more drama, posted January 22nd, 2013
spontaneous, posted January 14th, 2013
slightly unstable, posted January 12th, 2013
degree change, posted January 10th, 2013
Decisions, posted January 5th, 2013
New Year's Eve Party 2012/13!, posted December 31st, 2012
Episode 3!, posted December 21st, 2012
Season 2: Episode 2, posted December 19th, 2012
soap opera returns, posted December 18th, 2012
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